Something nice to look at......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_mxnYJdQi4

Tell me I'm nuts not to want to gobble up this eye candy.......shit!

APB, your focused attention is needed.....

If you see this man anywhere......can you please tell him to come to my house and ransack my "pocketbook".....Be aware that he carries a dangerous weapon and is skilled at using it with devastating consequences. He weilds this sword with recless abandonment and it has been caught on camera. Beware of the danger.....

he really is this dumb & that's what should have warned us 8 years ago....

The only real value this man has brought to the white house is his real ability to be a retard and make us laugh. it also shows us that money can't buy intellect but money can buy you many ways to protect your dumb ass from your own stupidity even if it's at the cost of millions of people.
I hope the future learns something from this dreadful 8 year mistake that will take centuries to correct.
Wonder if all this stupid shit will ever make it to the "make believe" history books that we teach our children with.....thank God for the internet, where these people can't buy a hush hush history profile.
Without going into a political fit......
I thought this was a classic funny......does he even care what a brazillian would be if it were a number?

Creative ways to get SOME.....dick

I have a horrible feeling that this will be me someday.....and old lady so desperate for sex, I will knit a sweater or a cock sock for it. At least she is smiling, maybe this strategy works for her and there is hope for me. Maybe she can will me the hat when she dies.....if I don't die first from not getting any.......

I call him "Ass Monkey" for a reason.

OK.....if there is anyone who reads this and knows me.....you know that I have been working 12 hour days and from March 1st to April 12th, I have had 4 days off. Why? you ask.....cause in my idiot head, I was thinking that if I work some more I will make money to pay bills and keep the house afloat. Well, the universe had some other ideas for my money.

Lets start at the beginning of this little tale of woe. Ryan my son, who has been a simple work of art for me since and even prior to his arrival.....seems to be unusually disconnected to the reality we all share. He is a Leo and he is represented by the sun in his astrological place in the sky which of course makes him the center of everything . When he was little, we called him " King Louie the 14Th, the Sun King" for his grandiose ideas of his separateness from everything else the rest of us are responsible for. i know, he starting to sound like a serial killer at this point but hold on.

Every year of school was a nightmare and every teacher wanted to love him because he is also like that. But he is also sooooo capable of being the biggest asshole. There was a point in 6th grade where they had to do this full psychological battery of tests to determine if he was having a learning disability or a deep psychological disorder, yeah..... let find out what that might be. Well anyway, in 6th grade, he had the reading level of a college student and had no discerning learning disability. They gave him a diagnosis of " Oppositional defiance Disorder". As I am sitting in the office with all these education professional, watching them seriously deliver Ryan's diagnosis, they give me this horrible news. yet good news, because we now have a diagnosis. I start laughing, I mean really laughing and they don't know what the hell is wrong with me.

So, I say to them.......Awesome....he's an ASSHOLE. When did we come out with a diagnosis for being an asshole? That would have come in handy when I was a kid in school.

Well anyway,my kids don't go to jail for anything big or worthy, for which I should be happy but they go to jail for dumb ass things. here is Ryan's criminal history....

age 15: steals an American flag because his friend was too much of a pussy to do it and Ryan wanted to show him how to be a man. Almost got his ass kicked from a crazed neighbor chasing the boys with a baseball bat because I guess this asshole sits up at 2:30 in the AM waiting for these atrocities to occur. Cops bring the kids home and we all return the flag to the elderly couple who didn't know that it was gone or why 15 year olds needed a flag so bad.

age16: Ryan is with some friends in a Meijers in Grand Haven when he is dared to steal a CD, value of 16.00. Let's not forget to mention the point that I have an I tunes account for which I am very generous in allowing my kids to buy music. So he steals it to show his balls are bigger than the others and gets caught.We go to Ottawa court house where they apparently don't have any mercy for first offenders nor do they have a payment plan like Muskegon. His fine 250.00 to be paid ASAP or the boy goes to jail.So, i write a bad check for 250.00 and pay my overdraft fee of 37.00 to save him from the perils of jail time.Also gets a civil fine from meijers for 200.00, right.

age18: I am vague about this stuff but he gets a ticket for driving his car without his license. Does not pay it, gets pulled over again and goes to jail.Sits in jail for the night playing "monopoly with the brothers", apparently had a great time except for not getting his 200.00 for passing GO because the brothers said he was white and didn't need the money so they took it and split it up among themselves.Cost to bail him out the next day 100.00 and a payment plan to pay the rest of his fees. Also at this time he gets a parking ticket in Lansing and doesn't pay. Somewhere along the way, his car gets towed and impounded. Dad pulls the car out, pays the parking tickets and gets the car home, cost 250.00. We still have the ticket unpaid for the lack of license, he gets pulled over and thrown in jail again. There he sits and I pay his bail, about 150.00 and he pays the rest. So now for over a year sits some misdemeanor traffic crime in Lansing that I am not even aware of except I am told there is something on his record when I pay to reinstate his license 40.00. So I tell him and give him the number to call to address this, he doesn't. he goes to Lansing the other night and I remind him of the outstanding something and he blows me off.

Guess who gets pulled over?

Ryan then goes to jail in Lansing county, I get the call from his friends at 2am. I knew right away he was in jail. What sucked was he was in Lansing, now I love my boys but a Lansing road trip was not in the cards for me.Plus I was just pissed at the inconvenience of it all. So the next 2 days unfold with numerous calls to his girlfriend because for some reason my phone blocked incoming jail calls, a nice convenience for me. Anyway, he gets transferred to a hardcore county facility where the brothers were not so fun. I guess no one showed them the exquisite joy of monopoly, a healthy way to obtain power and dominion over the man. So......he gets a bit nervous being the only white boy in a place where guys have nothing to lose. He calls with his concerns for his well being and I convey a message.....cause I am really trying to do the tough love thing, yet I am a bit worried that the brothers may not find him as funny and charming as I do. So, I convey, through his girlfriend that if he really feels threatened he might want to suggest to the guards that he is nuts and he is going to kill himself thus throwing him into solitary and saving his ass for the night. So..... at some point, he tells the guards he is going to kill himself and they oblige him with a suite at the Solitary Hotel sans a blanket and pillow. So in his cell, he is without any comforts and they have taken his clothes and left him in a paper gown.

he complains to me later he was cold and I tell him what the hell do you want....safety or comfort? So he tells me that he was a creative sort and solved his problem. He utilized 2 rolls of toilet paper and wrapped himself up like a mummy with the toilet paper, this indeed kept him warm enough to sleep.....well, if they didn't think he was really nuts , it was fucking sealed at this point. Can you imagine these guards watching a nit wit in a solitary cell wrapping himself up like a mummy in toilet paper? it would have made my night to see it. so, he slept safely and awoke to a social worker that had to evaluate his sanity . She deemed him safe and gave him a blanket. Lucky for Ryan I got my friend Scott to get him from the pen and bring his smelly ass home, for a cost of 300.00 to me.

There will be many other stories later to prove my point.......he is my favorite ass monkey and I know where he got it from.....his ass monkey mother. It's all love......

It can always be worse

Just when you think you feel like a "fat ass" you stumble along a photo on the Internet that makes you not only smile but makes you so thankful that the "damage" you have to "control" is somewhat manageable.

One, let's give the girl credit for obviously not giving a shit. I admire those who can sincerely not give a shit or at least be drunk and not give a shit. That's real freedom!

Two, I'm sure this started out as a very nice club ensemble. I think I said that right. Don't we all look so hot before we go out? Make up perfect, kick ass shoes, dressed to show what we've got and hide what we don't want to see. Then comes the alcohol , the "nudie juice" and we lose all common sense. The only small blessing is that if you get drunk enough you don't even have to remember what you said or did until an asshole friend so kindly reminds you that you puked somewhere and told a coworker that you loved them in a not so appropritae way while there girlfriend was standing right next to them, Oooppppss.

I used to be a party girl. Remember the comedy"absolutly fabulous"? I always thought that would be me and my drunk friend as we got older. Not having the sense or will to stop our merriment ways and such. Looking back, I had a dandy riot and I miss those times, even when I was a drunk fallout girl. I was always worth more than a laugh and always ended up being a liability to someone at the end of the night.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yjdTo6JT8U8

Not only did I look like Patsy at one point Riitta, my friend looked like Eddy......not as bad though.

Our common modus operendi was to ditch work early, we were graphic artist with all the liberties that artists are given.Usually the initial discussion about the evening would start out at our liquor lunch. We would get back to our drawing boards, fuck around abit , get bored and decide to go to the fabric store to buy fabric a pattern and a 1/5th of rum. We get to one of our homes start drinking and sewing, end up with an amazing outfit....so we thought....and go out the bars and drink,laugh,drink,laugh,drink,laugh and of corse dance. I wasn't ever really into picking anyone up even when I was single. i just love to dance.....don't even care if I am the only one out there. When I was out there by myself i consoled myself with the idea that maybe I was so amazing noone felt comfortable in my aura of fabulousness when more than likely they were sitting there saying " Holy shit, look at that drunk bitch GO".

Who cares, I still don't when it comes to dancing, it's a miracle if I get out and I am somewhere where there is even a good tune to dance to. I owe all my mad groovin skills to American Bandstand and Soul Train.

Three, this drunk girl is still capable of not only being able to read but she can also follow directions. I wasn't very capable of that when I was drinking. It's a real pain in the ass to read when you are seeing quadruple and fuck directions.....no one was going to tell me what to do. yet, I never went to jail, I always thought I would just offer the officer "head" and be on my way. I never went to the ER from a drunken mishap, I just healed my various wounds at home. I have fallen many times and of course blamed whoever I was with, hell, I wasn't above or below blaming the crack in the sidewalk.

Oh for "youthful indiscretions", as my friend Scott says....there is no such thing. We are no where discreet in our youth, nor do we care. I long for those days when I changed men like my underwear, never made excuses for myself, getting drunk was an awesome pastime with minimal complication and retributions, make up was an art form and there was no problem with being violently sexy.

What the hell Happened to me......is this what marriage ends up doing to you? you settle into a mediocre routine, your spouse "starts to think your a part of the furniture" and you slowly diminish your light until you are just a spark, a tiny firefly light, just enough to remind you that you still have something left. What really is the value of a mature life? Does it all end up to be your dead body in a casket with people all around mumbling out whatever they can remember about you? The slow warm nods of people using benign words like"she was such a good person"? Ohhhh nooooo.....I want to die and when people are at my funeral I want each one of you to be snickering with some delicious evil rememberance of something I said or did that was so dead wrong it was right.I want stories to fly around the room of my deviant tales and escapades. I want all my old lovers to smile knowing that I loved them with all my soul had to give. I want to be missed as a person who pushed all the boundries of her little box outward until there were no sides left, no botton or top to the box, just wild wide open space. so expanded that I was everything and nothing in the breath of God. Yeah.....that sounds better than where I am now. I need to find my way back to my sexy spark, get some kindling wood, some big ass logs and let this bitch burn and blaze bright.

I have been a shitty family member

Tyler went to New York City for his spring break, he got bored and felt like leaving so I suggested he spend some time with my Sister & her family, my mother in Connecticut. It worked out and he went. Tyler dosn't look like the chubby kid he used to be,so it was a shock for everyone to see him.

Anyway, I have been a shitty family menber. I have made myself invisible to my family through this seperation/ divorce thing.I have not talked to my family, I have ignored birthdays and holidays and I can't even say why. I am sure that it has hurt my family and I am numb to the pain I must be causing. I talk about my family, lovingly, I am not angry with them, I hae no reason to push them away yet I have in a disrespectful manner. I can't even say I am embarrassed of my impengding divorce.....I am just sad. Sad that all things do end.

Ty was here last night and we were supposed to talk but Lisa was over and Scott, my new roomate was here and we all had a nice time talking politics and sharing powerful thoughts and images from Youtube regarding politics. So I went upstairs to bed at some point and watched him sleep. He sleeps deep and well. Appears to have no worries, at least none that keep him awake. It started to thunder outside with the occasional spark of lightening, opened the window to hear and smell the spectacle of the storm.....I love storms, the bring out a passion and longing in me that I don't understand yet love. He slept, I thought.

I thought of every thought, my worries piled up like laundry before payday, he slept. I thought about the house I may be losing, he slept. I thought about how shitty my self esteem was and how I could feel all this extra fat on me and he slept. i drifted into nightmares where my unworthiness was intensified and my lonliness was under attack from me, he slept. I watched the shy lighten into morning, he woke up and got out of bed to go have coffeee with his friends before work. he never sat with me and had coffee before work, He would always get up at the last minute, put himself together as guys do and leave....there was never time or need for him to connect with me. Now Ty has time to connect with friends...... I am not one of them.

There is nothing more painful than to see love die and not be able to do anything about it. One person bleeds out, the other person watches and thinks about where they want to go next. they stick around out of some morbid pity as a consolation prize to make you feel that they care, and the last breath you take, you know....... you really don't matter to them anymore.

On that shitty little note......I have to go to work and heal and comfort the masses.....the photo above is Tyler and my mother.....more on that later. Groovy love to all of us that deserve it and more to those who don't.